Mirror mirror on my wall, look at who I follow to see through it all. While the U.S. Congress and hashtag-trolls bitch … Keep Reading
The Last Generation has an anthem. It’s this.
If you’ve made it to 2018, then you are living during a time when everything is watching and nothing is real. You no longer need real friends or real dollars or real experiences. Who needs real sex when you can watch porn alone in your apartment? Who needs change in your pocket when you’ve got it in the blockchain? Who needs real friends, when your phone knows you better than anyone? Who needs a therapist when you have Alexa? Who needs Jesus, when Kim K’s got more instagram followers than Him? Why go visit little kids in Africa when you pretend to be with them by wearing pair goggles? Why go to college when you’ve got Youtube and Mukbang videos? Why have laws when you can have guns?! Now you can just go on the dark web and get an epic night mailed to you through the US Postal Service! Sex robots are real AF.
It’s a pretty phucked up time, but we’re glad you’re here!
Advice: always buy a keyboard cover and if you’re gonna buy DMT, make sure your back-alley dealer has at least 300 reviews… don’t want to get that made in China shit.
A never ending store window, are you in?
Side note: TLG Founder doesn’t drink or do drugs, but she gets IT.
– Written by Mel Blanchard Gong
Can you be homesick for a place or person you’ve never met? I feel homesick all the time.
We dream. We dream about our dream unjob, a dream home (or apartment cause that’s what us TLG’ers are stuck with), that dream car, the dream wedding, the dream instagramable destination, our dream ultimate self (or at least our dream of how we appear on social media), and our dream love, but does one ever dream about their dream friend? Other people are everything and you are what you think not only of yourself, but what you think of others.
Who do you turn to when you get ghosted by that guy you met by the swipe of your finger? Who do you turn to on holidays when your family isn’t so good? Who do you turn to when your heart gets broken or your rent controlled apartment balcony collapses? You turn to your friends.
If you could have a dream friend, who would that be? What would you do together? What would silence feel like when there was no sound? How would this person support that missing piece… you know that thing you’re homesick for even if you’ve never seen it, or been there, or truly felt it.
The new American Dream is to be at Zero.
To be at Zero means time. Time means freedom.
“My youth is the foundation of me.” serenades American Teen, Khalid. It’s true. The big house, the fancy car, the ‘perfect’ family are no longer the American Dream. Time is. Travel is. Youth is.
O.G. talk, the term “American Dream” came with a credit line. With great credit comes great debt. Rich or dirt poor, regardless of the life you were born into, if you were born in this great country and worked hard, social mobility was intended to be your right. “Life should be better and richer and fuller for everyone, with opportunity for each according to ability or achievement” squabbled the great James Turslow Adams in 1931.
A line of credit was the opportunity for a family to build a good family with a house, a car, and freedom. Think about the first time you were offered a credit card, where did it happen? At a bank or a clothing store? Now a line of credit means you can get 50% deals at GAP.
My student loan debt was worth it.
Please Listen. Watch. Feel.
It took writing this article to get that it was all worth it, even though I’m under qualified or over qualified for every job I apply for in 2018. I took out student loans at 16 age for my dreams.
Why is it we barely remember our actual dreams when we wake, but we describe our deepest wants and desires with the use of the word “dream”? Can you really follow a dream?
What about the still dreamers? Aren’t you still dreaming? Or has Kanye’s cruel world crushed what you thought was once possible? Nothing is impossible, but not for everyone. Nothing is impossible for me. Nothing is impossible for Kayne West. Nothing is impossible for that kid that thinks he’s a robot and a dragon and invisible. For those of you who no longer dream, it’s true, there is a lot that is impossible. Keep Reading
You can tell a lot about a Ho by her Christmas tree. From black angels up-top to Pottery Barn down below, there are three types of Christmas Ho’s.
Note: Don’t get a Christmas Ho twiest with a Tinder Hoe. Tres diferente!
Disclaimer: If you don’t identify with the Three Ho’s of Christmas, then you simply aren’t a ho. Nice job!👍🏾Maybe…
Other Note: Ho’s can me a combination of Ho’s and men can be Ho’s too.
“Lakshman lakshman lakshman ong ong lakshman. Now shake your hips as fast as you can, imagine gold, and let your kundalini rise! Chant this to get rich in 2017.” preached a white blonde “guru” sitting on a golden throne wearing a white turban.
In the dark, I hypnotically moved my body, my arms swung from side to side and I imaged money pouring down. The freedom to just move compulsively, to reach wide and fast and sensual as I felt, plus it was gonna get rich. I had become a hindu God, Ganesh, with slithering arms and an elephant’s trunk defying gravity. Every time I said the mantra “lakshman,” I could take myself into this mythological cave world filled with mountains of gold and the luck of the Irish.
Boom. Indian God in Ireland. Boom, I’m gonna get rich.
Laksham! 2017 Laksham! 2018 Laksham! Am I rich yet?
New Years Eve, the most lonely night of the year.
I kept saying, “I’m not a butt girl.” as if I wasn’t good enough.
Gentleman don’t prefer blondes, they prefer butt girls.
Firstly, a butt girl MUST have an instagram account. A butt girl is a chick with a really hot body who has an instagram account that look just like every other gorgeous butt girl and yet you can’t look away. She has the thigh gap, tan skin, gorgeous other butt-girl friends, a perfect looking family, and all her photos consist of her butt, her model face, the beach, and her fabulous jet-set life. The thing is, although everyone already knows instagram profiles are curated and real life isn’t like the photos, you can’t help but want that butt girl’s fucking fabulous digital life. She’s got it all?
Breaking Bullshit: While you traded digital currency for digital products during this oh-so-record breaking cyber weekend with your visa cards, bitcoin quadrupled,🤑 and smart people made money while you bought shit you’re going to throw in the street a year from now. If you invested the amount you spent over the weekend on bitcoin, you’d be thanking us here at TLG.
REAL News! The first AI female Robot inappropriately grabbed a man by the balls because it was programed with slang terms and took it a little too literal! #BoycottAI #theNewHarveryWinestein #Humanists #hideyourHusbands
30 something-year-olds take their followers, likers, and story views equally as serious as millennials; they just pretend to not care. There is an endangered breed of 30-somethings are not phased by likes, followers, and story lurkers. If you are this minority, then you are secretly admired by selfie addicts and phone mirror users. The fact is, social media likes and follows send a message and it is indeed THE new form of communication and people who communicate via social media coward away from talking about their new language. How do you understand a language if you don’t begin to study it? Millennials are already engrained to knowing this shit matters, so it’s the moment to make it an unfiltered conversation. It’s not just that likes send a oxytocin filled rush to the brain, it’s that likes and follows send a social message if you are in or out of someone’s artificial circle. Yes fake friends are real, but real friends now communicate in the passive aggressive digi space too and REAL FRIENDS, you are being called the fuck out right now. If your way of communicating with people you care about is through social media and if you think you’re caught up on your friends’ lives because you tune-in to their channels, then you kinda suck. You too are what is wrong with culture today. Keep Reading
Do you know what happens in 100 days?
Your life happens.
And that is everything.
100 days ago, I believed red sparkly shoes and take me home mantras could send you to Kansas, I’ve always believed that, but there is no language that can vocalize what bubbles have floated down, melted away, and manifested. I am dreaming and everything is real. There is no place like now.
In 100 Days I found my courage, my brain, and my heart. Follow your own road. 🌈
You ARE the Wizard you seek.
The Mayans believed mirrors opened portals to the Otherworld, and American’s don’t give a fuck what the Mayan’s believed. In ancient tall-tale, mirrors allowed souls and saints to leave their bodies and pass between two dimensions. Traditionally, a mirror would be settled in front of a saint’s statue to assist wondering O.G. Casper in recognizing his cute pale body when he was done ghosting chicks and be able to zap right back into it. 👻 In San Juan Chamula, an old Mayan Chiapas town, you can be sent to jail if you take a photo inside a church as almost all cameras require a mirror within the shutter, which can suck up a soul in an instant! Don’t be a dick, use a mirrorless camera instead! 😜