Think about it. Think about an asshole you know, a true asshole. Where is that person is in their life socially and economically? If you’re thinking of someone and they’re an asshole, then that means you’ve identified something they’ve done to you or to others that’s dickish and fucked up. Good news is you’ve adapted in some way from them, and you’re asshole senses have become more equipped to spot that jackal in disguise. But with every asshole you experience, does it change you? Can we learn from assholes?
What makes an asshole? Another asshole.
What is an asshole really?
It’s a butthole where shit comes out of… and well sometimes you have to let shit out to make space for something fresh.
There are many factors and qualities that make up an asshole, but the basics are they suck.
Wherever you are in the world today, for a moment, channel your physical asshole. Think about it and use it as a tool to expel what’s already been digested.
People are complicated and all circumstances are different, but in a world where we swipe wipe dispose of people like skid-marked toilet paper in less than a second, ghost people we’ve begun to form some type of human connection with, and when the leader of the free world is factually known to be, quite frankly, not a nice man, we should start to take notes on the traits of assholes, what makes them, what breaks them, and of the chain reaction they set off to each and every person they affect.
We’ve marketed the word “feminism” to mean men suck (many do) and with hookup culture and social media, there’s been a shift in women’s inner unconscious asshole. When you meet an asshole woman, it’s most likely that she has to stuff light into that dark spot of her heart every day after some dick punctured it. Instinctually women aren’t assholes, but we’re all just trying to survive in this digital jungle of confusing text messages and photoshopped asses.
Wolf of Wallstreet, Dan Bilzerian, Donald Trump. All leaders and men who are praised for their wealth and asshole qualities. Don’t think Dan Bilzerian is a leader? Look again. His lifestyle is mimicked by copycats, obsessively stared upon and ‘liked’ by women and their thumbs, and praised by Vogue. What females in the public eye don’t have a little asshole in them? Don’t tell me Hillary Clinton doesn’t have some asshole in her. She’s not wearing pantsuits and hiding all forms of instinctual female emotion to simply be nice. People fear her, as she should be feared. Don’t tell me Madonna or some other famous person didn’t claw their way up while giving hugs to the ones they scratched. To be a leader, you’ve got to cut people and be ruthless. You’ve got to believe in yourself so fucking much that nothing and no one can stop you. Every story is different, but what makes an asshole? Experience, and another asshole.
There are two types of assholes, the ones that know what they want and the ones that don’t.
Assholes that know what they want get ahead because people fear them, they demand what they want through their actions, and their followers unknowingly become their trained dogs. Assholes who don’t know what they want sink real low.
One may argue that even if an asshole that fucks people over has a great career and an awesome instagram profile, it doesn’t mean they’re happy or have true relationships. Wrong. There are many happy assholes who don’t and will not ever apologize to anyone. They get what they want, they’re not very nice, and they probably will have or already have a family that loves them regardless. They may have regrets, but they unapologetically move forward. You can only hope that they’ve got some good in them, but life isn’t fair and the majority of assholes with a clear goal get what they want.
There’s a balance to it all. Some children are taught to be nice to everyone and say please and thank you to everyone. This is wrong. There’s always a time and a place, but you shouldn’t be nice to everyone. That’s called being a pushover and pushovers go nowhere and get nothing and grow bitter and if anything, they become bad assholes. You must train your asshole senses and use it as a secret weapon. Not all assholes are bad. When was the last time you were a tactful intentional asshole and how did it feel?
It’s not that nice girls or guys finish last. You can be a nice asshole… but it’s that nice people who don’t really want to be nice all the time but feel like they have to be, they’re the one’s that finish last.
I used to be nice to everyone and no one remembered me, and I got no where, and asshole’s cheated the ladder I was climbing and I never made it up. I was too slow and fuck that, fuck them, and fuck anyone that get’s in my way.
I’ve learned from assholes, but as much as I’d like to just be an asshole, I don’t fully have it in me. I’m too nice, so nice that I’ll sit and consider how everyone else feels before I consider myself. So nice that even when it feels good to be an asshole for the right reasons and take power, I feel bad after. With each asshole I meet, it hardens me in a good way. It’s become progressively easier for me to let go of things that shouldn’t be held onto for to long. But also with each asshole I meet, the dark hole in my heart grows bigger. Always learning, I find it difficult to spot an asshole in my dating dating life. I’ve been walked all over too many times and when I meet someone who could be great, I automatically jump to conclusions that they’re just like everyone else and end it. It’s important to stay open. I wear my heart on my face, it’s wide open, I’m nice and that’s just me. Even with every asshole experience, I’m constantly taken back by surprise and try to look for the best in people. I still hope I’ll meet someone great and get it right someday. Professionally, I’ve been mastering my asshole weapon and it’s powerful, nuclear really.
I’m a conscious asshole and a probable narcissist and I’m okay with that.
For years I’ve intended to write The Life of an Unapologetic Asshole as a book, but moving forward, putting it out there and seeing what sticks. The point of TLG isn’t necessarily to tell my life story, but story is everything and there are no rules to TLG. Somedays it’s dark and other days it’s light. In so many ways, I’m just no longer ashamed of my story and want to put it out there and let go of it after. This is me, I’ve never been so open, and it’s my time to be. Someone once said to me, “Write one true sentence and you’ll never run out of things to write.” Trying to just be true for a bit.
LISTEN WHILE READING FOR FULL EXPERIENCE.
Note: This is a long one that I’ve poured a lot into… But there is a very special insane crazy girl treat at the very end that you shouldn’t miss! It’s just so unreal how timing works. I give you the perfect example of when to be an asshole! TRUST ME!
Once upon a time, an asshole born.
December 3rd, 1984 to be exact. His mother was weak and his rich father didn’t want him. Every moment that lead up to this boy’s life followed in tragedy.
His mother married a man who wasn’t his father, a different skin color from him, and that man didn’t want him either. Finally stable with a good group of friends and during his most impressionable years, his ever-victimized mother moved him from an upper-class neighborhood far away into the ghetto. She drove a Mercedes, made him promises she couldn’t keep but meant to, and put him in private school. All the kids thought he was rich and he liked that. He was a pretty boy with silky blonde locks, innocent, and just wanted to be normal, but things would never be normal for him. He now lived in a house with his mother that cried everyday, an old grandfather that would one day whip him with a belt and never forgive himself for it, a psychotic grandmother that sang religious songs in the morning while washing dishes, and a little sister that didn’t look anything like him and was even more impressionable than him. To say the very least, he was severely bullied at his new school for standing out, so he grew angry. So angry that he didn’t want to live and tried to end it. His mother loved him so much, but she was weak and couldn’t ever tell him “no.” She enabled him to abuse herself and verbally his sister because she felt what had happened to him was her fault, and indeed it was. You can’t blame a young boy for the failure of his parents. At night he would punch holes in walls and call his mom a whore. His mom would then lock herself in a room with his very little sister and cry to her every night. This would continue for a very, very long time.
How do you train an animal to be obedient?
If you beat a dog again and again, but then show it an ounce of kindness, it will always remember that kindness. It will forever approach you with hope that if it is good, it might get a treat or be pet softly. His sister was that dog. She could never do anything right by him, but from an early age she understood his pain, so when he was nice, she held onto those moments, but was always scared to death of the next moment when he’d get in her face and scream and call her things no woman or child should ever be called. Again, how do you hate someone who just didn’t know any better?
With her daughter’s child support, the boy’s mother put him in a much better private school in a town an hour away. This was the school for the rich. She bought him a fancy car and he soon created an alternate identity. He was dynamic and all the kids loved him. His sister would hear through whispers of what a fun legend her brother was, he had become a good friend to everyone, he was a team player, he was a cool daredevil that made Jackass videos with his buddies, and it made her proud. She thought, “Maybe one day I’ll meet his friends. Maybe one day, he’ll be my friend.”
The boy made a new friend, a best friend. This friend came from a good family and lived in a nice home. The boy decided to show his true self and brought his new friend to his home in the ghetto. This friend never spoke to him again after. The pain sunk in, more walls were punched, and the abuse toward his mother and sister continued. During this time his sister skipped a few grades entered public high school and too was bullied, maybe even more so than the boy ever was. When the boy got wind of this, instead of sticking up for her, he bullied her more. “Whore. I know what you’re doing.”
The boy became a master bullshitter. He hid his life that existed an hour away so well. He always said he was going to get rich quick. He even changed his voice and rhetoric every time he picked up the phone. He would deepen his voice, say please and thank you to other people’s parents (this was during the time of landlines), and made sure his birthday gifts to his friends were the best and most expensive. If he left a pair of nice shoes or belongings at someone’s house, he wouldn’t dare ever ask to come pick it up. He pretended he needed nothing because he had everything. The people that did know of his secret were scared of him, he now knew where to hit people where it hurt. Call him a fag and you’d get punched in the face. The rage he had was sensed by those that knew the boy who lived in the ghetto. He was such a cool kid to everyone else, he became untouchable. Feared and loved.
One day his sister put a photo up of him and her as toddlers on her wall. When he came home in one of his moods, screamed and when she stuck up for herself for the first time and he got in her face and ripped the photo up. “Whore. Piece of shit. I fucking hate you.” If he only understood that everything he had was supposed to go to her. The car, the school, the clothes, and a mother’s guidance. She shared a room with her mother, she wasn’t wearing polo shirts and new Nikes, and no way was her mother ever going to buy her a car. If she asked her mother to tell him to stop, the lady would just cry and praise the moments he was nice to her. “It’s peaceful today. Next time I’ll tell him to stop. I promise.”
The boy, now a young man, went to college. He was finally free and far away from the black-hole he came from. His mother wrote his college papers as he partied with his fraternity, SAE. He got DUI’s and did hardcore drugs and still, every one loved him. Holiday’s he’d come home, sit in the middle of his room and lock his door. You never knew what personality you’d get when that door was opened.
No one ever noticed what was happening to his sister or his mother. As his mother’s head began to droop and she began to not be able to speak clearly with confidence. His sister too became a master bullshitter. She was angry and always searching for love in the wrong places. The pain of her home life lead her to be exposed her to things she would later in her adult life learn weren’t normal for a girl to experience. What she did have was a dream to get away from it all. So she studied and bullshat her way to college, a much better college than her brother’s. By the time she went to college, she was almost in the same grade as her brother who had always seemed to be much older than she was.
Still hoping for a relationship and living fairly close in distance, she’d tried to call him sometimes… She’d even call him on her own birthday hoping he’d pick up. Her mother would still call her to cry and with social media, this bright new technology called The Facebook appeared. For the first time in her life, she was able to see her brother’s secret life, the happy one. It was beautiful, full of people and parties and laughter. He even had a nickname. Did anyone even know he had a sister? All she ever wanted was to be part of his life and she never gave up on it. She got his pain and couldn’t hate him for it. What she hadn’t known was she developed a fear for men who barely raised their voices and she didn’t know how to say no men because she never had seen a woman stick up for herself. Like her brother, she too searched for a male figure only to ever be rejected by them all. If a guy was an asshole to her, she would just cry and do nothing and wonder what she did wrong. She was always nice to everyone, to every single person even when she didn’t want to be.
The young man didn’t speak to his sister for four years while he was in college. During this time, he got a girlfriend of the same skin color of his sister. He moved out to a big city and really tried to get his life together. His mother still paid his rent for a beach house and for a new Mercedes, all while she still lived with her parents. Money was everything to him, it was going to solve his life. Appearance and social status were also everything and he was going to do anything he could to get it. Fake it till you make it.
Fake it till you make it. Fake it till you make it.
His sister always thought, maybe one day when he gets rich, he’ll be free and call her back sometime. She always knew he’d get what he wanted because for the most part she always got what she wanted too. Two master bullshitters in disguise, they both mastered the law of attraction from life’s manipulations. She finished college and with student loans, she went straight to grad school where she ended up in the same big city as him. She had one goal, it was to have lunch with just her brother and no one else for the first time ever. During this time he had now been with his girlfriend for 5 years and seemed to have softened a bit. He started to call his sister to say hi and he even once helped her on a grad school project. When she’d reach out, he’d ghost her, everything was on his watch. They lived fifteen minutes apart, his Facebook showed he’d hang out in her neighborhood, and yet he never had a moment for lunch or longer than ten minutes. It’s funny how a dog forgets all the beatings when an owner shows kindness. Let’s not forget he’s an expert dog trainer.
She once ran into him and his friends at a bar around the corner from her apartment and for the first time he said the words, “This is my sister.” The pain and the pride she felt. They took a selfie, what a rare occasion it was. He never wanted to hurt anyone, he knew what he had done, but he never once sat down to just talk to her. Did he talk to other people? Did he ever think about apologizing? Did he love himself? What did he remember? She remembered nothing really, just blackness. What childhood? But he was completely forgiven, they had both made it out.
It was Christmas and his girlfriend wanted to include his mother and sister in on the holiday. The young man was always embarrassed of how his family appeared, so both women felt very insecure. Would they appear poor to the upper echelon, after all, everyone thought he was rich? That Christmas dinner he tried, but it wasn’t the right time. How do you put three people together with a secret that they’ve never talked about? His sister got wasted and drank and drove and she’s lucky she didn’t kill anyone. She begged for his forgiveness and he forgave her, but really just didn’t want to see her again after… What else is new?
Overnight the party boy, with long lasting relationships with everybody but the two people who loved him most, struck gold. His frat brother started a scam artist tech company that later was made legitimate and before you know it he’s in the Virgin Islands snorting coke, wearing a 30k watch, and taking private jets across the country. He even took a helicopter to Coachella. It all happened so fast. He got everything he wanted and never really did anything right. He literally walked all over people, lied, did drugs, scammed people, hurt people, and GOT EVERYTHING. No student loans, a beautiful girlfriend, a home overlooking the ocean, a Range Rover, the clothes, endless summer night dinners, and if he lost his shoes, now it really didn’t matter.
His sister finished grad school and he showed up for her graduation. He took his mother and sister out to dinner and paid for everything. He never said much, but that day he said he’d tried every drug in the book and was currently high. Two abused women sat across the table from their abuser as he fed them.
Years passed and nothing changed, except his sister was getting stomped all over by the world and hadn’t known she was about to have a breaking point. She lost sight of what she wanted and something big was going to have to happen for her to see clearly again. After setting her goal, it had been 5 years and finally she had lunch alone with him. He was an asshole the entire time. His girlfriend dumped him, he smoked his vape pen, he had just invested 600k into some stupid idea that was never going to pan out, and there sat across from him was one of the only people that could see right through him. There was no longer an excuse. She just wanted lunch and he couldn’t even give her that. He went to the bathroom and came back like a jolt of lightning had hit him, a.k.a the white rabbit crawled up his nose. She knew everything about him, but he knew nothing about her. Not her debt, not her friends, not what made her happy or sad, not even one basic fact. Something died after that lunch for his sister; her fantasy of ever having a brother. There were other awful moments between her graduation and this time like him telling her to “shut the fuck up” as she cried at her grandfather’s funeral. He was never going to change, but she could.
Two years had passed and she stopped speaking to both him and her mother. She became an asshole. During this time she learned that her mother developed a disease called dystonia where her neck permanently drooped down. It’s funny how the woman who metaphorically always had her head down, physically developed something that wouldn’t allow her head to lift up. When her mother was put on life support she tried one last time to be kind to the asshole that never showed her kindness and his last words ever to his sister were “I don’t give a fuck what you say. You did this to mom. You don’t know what not talking to her did. This is your fault. Grow the fuck up.”
She took his advice quite literally and yes, she grew the fuck up.
There are two choices one has when they are faced with an asshole:
- Do nothing and internalize
- Internalize and get the fuck up, hold onto that feeling, and fucking run for your fucking light
This asshole is getting married to the same woman that he’s been on and off with for ten years. They celebrated their bridal shower with the young and beautiful 1% and his poor tilted mother sat at the front table in a discounted top and a bag full of medication at her side. His mother was insecure that day, and sad like always. Happy for her son who once had nothing, she looked around at all the people and was in awe of the stranger she would never truly know. He looked at his mother and as much as he loved her for never giving up on him and loving him unconditionally, he felt embarrassed of her at the same time. He felt the burden of knowing what he had done to the frail woman before him, and then he blinked and got over it.
You don’t choose your family, but you can choose what controls your life. Like student loans and mean words, there are some things you can’t ever take back… but that’s how you move forward and that’s how this unapologetic asshole moved so fucking far up the ladder. He never took anything back. He didn’t care that you couldn’t take things back. If he had debt, he simply wouldn’t think about it ever because he’d know he’d bullshit his way to paying it off or getting someone else to pay it off for him. He fucked over anyone that was in his way and never apologize for it.
The question is, what’s the true chain reaction to it all? Who else did he effect along the way? His sister has learned to be quite the asshole because assholes do get ahead, but she’s an asshole that follows the golden rule.
This story is purely based off of a character that somehow developed in my head over time through life experiences. I do not know this person and plus how do you really know anyone? If I did know this person and if they were getting married, I’d wish I could wish them nothing, but blood runs deep and there are unexplainable energies and bonds in this universe that connect people no matter how far the distance and deep the pain runs. If he was real, there would always be love and it would always hurt. You should only have true people witness a ceremony of love between two people and if this person was real, I was never anyone to this person anyways. If this person was real, I’d send what I feel right now, because the present is the present and that in itself would be my wedding gift. If I did know this person, then wow, they really got it all – money, friends, the world, and a new family without ever apologizing to the ones who never gave up on him. If he was a real person… wait, he isn’t. No more fantasizing about someone that was never there and will never be.
How do you hate someone who was destined to be an asshole? His mother was weak, his father didn’t want him, and the world showed him no mercy during a time we all need mercy. If anything, it was his mother’s fault, but she did the best she humanly could.
Moral of the Story:
No life isn’t fair, and that’s a good thing. That’s the light at the end of the tunnel that keeps you wondering and running toward it. Without darkness, there is no light.
Fake it till you make it.
Channel your asshole today.
TYPO BITCH CREDIT: Brain Schmidt 🙏🏾
AS I LIVE & FUCKING BREATH
HERE IS THE PERFECT EXAMPLE OF WHEN TO BE AN ASSHOLE! The moment I finished writing this article, right now, I stood up with pride and stretched and boom! People I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again,
there are no coincidences!
Probably one of the biggest assholes I have ever come across just messaged me on Facebook after a year and a half after he preyed upon me and then disposed of me. To say the least, he’s not a good person. Months ago I took a screenshot of his Bumble profile because it said “not into using and discarding people” and my jaw dropped. Who knew it would come in handy today at this very moment? First of all, who writes that in their Bumble profile? Only someone who uses and discards people. Secondly, what a coward and a 🍤shrimp dick🍤, yup. If someone called me a disgusting asshole, I’d be a man and take it, not “like it.” Ew. To da mutha fuckin’ left bitch! I just #TaylorSwiftedYourAss
UNBELIEVABLE TIMING! Love how the universe works.
“Love is a mystery of water and star.” 😂😂😂 Dying! The best most unexpected birthday gift ever.
SUBSCRIBE: I PROMISE NOT TO BE AN ASSHOLE AND SPAM YOU. WILL SEND SECRET LOVE LETTERS.
Note: Music by SBTRK, song titled, Trials of the Past. I am just a super fan who has had this song with this story on repeat for two years, not making any profit… But I wish I was! Thank you SBTRK for creating this feeling. If you’d like me to take it down, I will. Love and light! xo