A Never Ending Store Window. Are you in?

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THE NEW YEAR – 2018 – When the ball really drops.

in Bitch Be Humble/Die Trying/Unsatisfied by

“Lakshman lakshman lakshman ong ong lakshman. Now shake your hips as fast as you can, imagine gold, and let your kundalini rise! Chant this to get rich in 2017.” preached a white blonde “guru” sitting on a golden throne wearing a white turban.

In the dark, I hypnotically moved my body, my arms swung from side to side and I imaged money pouring down. The freedom to just move compulsively, to reach wide and fast and sensual as I felt, plus it was gonna get rich. I had become a hindu God, Ganesh, with slithering arms and an elephant’s trunk defying gravity. Every time I said the mantra “lakshman,” I could take myself into this mythological cave world filled with mountains of gold and the luck of the Irish.

Laksham!

Boom. Indian God in Ireland. Boom, I’m gonna get rich.

Laksham! 2017 Laksham! 2018 Laksham! Am I rich yet?

New Years Eve, the most lonely night of the year.

For many, a new year represents a new chapter. You can gone-with-the-wind put all last years fuck-ups behind you, hold your chin up, cheer with some sparkling wine, and onward!

But like any young adult with an instagram account living in a big city, if you don’t have New Year Eve party plans and someone to suck face with at the tip of the clock wag of the finger, then ohhhh-noooo😯, how are you ever going to celebrate the future? Time is running out, make a plan.

Every year, before the clock strikes midnight, people panic about where they will be during the timely transition of years because gwad forbid if their instagram story showed they did nothing. Who gives a fuck what you did in 2017 if you don’t do anything on December 31st. Women will charge a sparkly dress that they’ll wear once to their visas and men will buy their drinks and everyone will get shit faced.

3.

2.

1.
HAPPY NEW YEAR?

Well hopefully you looked pretty…

The next morning everyone wakes up with dehydrated sugar faces, hung over, and nothing has changed, but at least by the time they check their phones, they have 50 likes on their cute photo that took at least ten tries to get that perfect carefree moment.

Photo Title: Basic Butt Girl Bitch New Year

It’s December, better start planning your new you now. I always feel defeated when December hits; like right now, I’m anxious and a bit down. One minute it’s August and you still have a chance to turn the year around, and then overnight it’s December and not much has changed. It’s all mental. I question, what do I have to show for this year? Has much changed? The thing is time is indeed distance and we change every minute but you can get stuck, I’ve been stuck, and I fear staying stuck. This is the first time in my life I can say, “I got out of the hole and slayed this year.” How did I get out of the hole? I made a plan for the year rather than one night. Everything you do has meaning, you are what you do, how are you doing to bring in 2018?


✌🏾18/20 TLG’ers texted ‘YES’ they’ve set New Year goals and forgot about them within the first two months.

💪🏽17/20 TLG’ers texted ‘YES’ setting New Year goals are healthy.

🙌🏽16/20 TLG’ers texted ‘YES’ they will be setting 2018 resolutions.


That’s stupid. I think new year resolutions are stupid. You can start over any time.” yacked a friend over the phone while I was in a parking lot a few days before 2017 embarked upon us. “Anyways, what do you have planned for NYE? I’m going to this huge A-list party.” she babbled after. Someone who thought resolutions were stupid paid money to go to a party for the New Year? What the fuck was she celebrating if she thought an annual plan to improve yourself was stupid? Like every year, her photos were cute on social media and now another year has passed and she already sent me a photo of her dress for when the clock strikes midnight; she’ll be in NYC this year.

Imagine if on New Year’s Day, when the clock struck midnight, you actually could reset your life, what would you wear?

Something sexy? I’d wear what I’m wearing right now, a pair of 1980’s vintage two-toned Guess overalls, a wool turtle neck, and my white Beat Solo3 headphones. 🙂 But I get it, not everyone is as cute as me. 💁🏼 The thing is, you indeed can start over at any time, you can reset your life (but not student loans😂), but it’s not easy. Energy is real and when people come together on one single day, magic happens if you commit and let it. You must commit. Who or what can you say “Bye Bitch!” to? Because to get what you want, you’ll have to DROP YOUR TUCKED BALLS and bye bitch your old life, habits, and people.

If you can’t commit, then you don’t really want it.

in 2017, i made overalls sexy #legend

Lakshman! Lakshman! Lakshman?

Feelings are everything. If there’s anything I remember most about moments, people, places and things, it’s the feeling. I had already been on a deep journey of self improvement when this particular friend told me how stupid my New Year Resolutions were. I’ve always felt on the outside when everyone celebrates the clock striking midnight, like there was something I was missing out on that they all got. I would buy a party dress and scramble to make plans just to say I did something. Every year, at the tip-of-the-clock, I’ve just wanted to be Cinderella and run away from the party.

It never felt right to celebrate something so personal in the same fashion as the majority, but that’s because I’ve learned I’m not the majority. Year after year, on January 1, I would wake up feeling like I had failed, and no I didn’t have a magic godmother or mother to turn to for healthy advice.

Do our American made New Year celebrations set us up for failure?

Is it beneficial to tear up a calendar and bury your past? Maybe, because the present is indeed the present.?  But not really. To reach your goals, you need to understand everything happens for a reason and take what you know and use it as a weapon, burring shit is a shortcut and will always come to the surface. Why haven’t you reached your goals? Really? Look at that gorilla in the mirror and ask it why it’s really caged up.

It’s December and there is a constant bombardment of media telling you how to “plan” and “jumpstart” the new year. Was there anything that wrong with you to begin with or did bullshit blogs convince you, you weren’t good enough and needed to do more with your life?

What is a new year away? Aside from your basic firework show, NYC paper bombing from windows, and Ryan Seacrest’s balls dropping on America, January 1 is simply a date. If you really think about how we celebrate the New Year, it’s quite barbaric. Booze, ripping apart the past and littering it on the streets for some poor street cleaner to drive over with a machine, and then we post it all on Instagram. How exhilarating! Ancient Greeks celebrated the New Year after March 21st’s new moon cycle… Whatever that shit means. Almost every other culture celebrates according to earth’s moon and harvest cycles. 🇲🇾Malaysia celebrates in March with earth broth (a.k.a. tea!) and a day of complete peace. 🇰🇷Koreans celebrate for three days also with earth juice.✡️Jews celebrate Rosh Hashanah in September by eating honey drenched apples and not going to work for a day to spend with family. 🇹🇭The Thai bang pots and pans to scare evil lurking spirits and bad energy away.🇮🇳South East Asian Indians celebrate the beautiful magical day of Diwali in October by lighting candles and giving thanks to the god of wealth, LAKSHIMI! This is where the magical mantra LAKSHMAN was derived from and funny thing is all the Indians I know who celebrate Diwali DO NOT CHANT LAKSHMAN.

American’s actually got New Year’s day all wrong. Why the fuck is it right after Christmas when everyone has spent all their cash money on 🎁 presents and 🤖 Cyber Monday? If they were smart like the 🇨🇳Chinese, it would be in spring. I grew up getting red and gold envelopes of cash, watching dragons dance, and my grandma Gong stuffing my face with red bean chocolate tasting dumplings. Chinese get gold and dragons and Americans just look like fools with no real valued history.

There is a lot of productive logic🇺🇸America has built around January 1. It’s a new business quarter, which means companies reset their budgets and plan for new quarter strategies of growth. I personally will be hustling to find a new job in January because like America, TLG has a negative deficit, but again, it’s just a made up date and if you’re in this country and don’t partake on this date then someone else will and see where they get 360 days from now. Your entire life can change in one year. I believed anything is possible, but I never let the possible truely happen until right now.

Photo of Donald Trumps balls smashing down on earth and all that’s left is rats and Santa and his reindeer ascending across the sky.

When I finally stopped caring about what it appeared like I was doing and what people felt I should be doing and all the bullshit happening on planet earth, was when real shit started to happen.

My balls finally dropped!

In 2016, for the first time in my life, I decided to have real New Year resolutions, I had ELEVEN and I’ve fulfilled 10 out of those 11 and it took one entire year to fulfill them. Ambitious? No. Just ready. I still have time to check the box of my 11th. Again, feelings are everything. Feelings are what control your actions and how you think. I remember when my friend put down the fact that I wanted to aim for self-improvement goals starting 2017, I felt defeated. She made me feel embarrassed for just wanting to be a better me and it wasn’t until the very end of the year, when I fulfilled ten of my self improvement goals that I learned the truth to this person. People are complicated and everything happens for a reason. I hope for her sake, she finds resolution in 2018. I was so prepared for bringing in 2017. I was going to write into the new year, chant the magical mantra “Lakshman”, wake up early, and go on a run instead of being hung over from a meaningless conversation party with people I didn’t care for and who didn’t care about me either. “Don’t spend the New Year alone” she said; she did care in her own way. The thing was, it would have been more lonely going to a party then spending it at home with my dog in bed with a book. Just one year before I found myself at rock bottom and because I had already been working so hard on getting my life together I fought through that feeling of defeat. If every successful person with a great idea was told by their friends how stupid it was and gave up, then there would be no ideas. The difference between a successful person and a basic person is that the successful person follows through with what they want and knows that a basic person is just simply basic.

I remember once I had an idea to write a comedy show called The Kim-Chi’s about a ghetto fob white guy who drove a decked out Honda Civic with a race-car muffler and had the last name Kim. The premise was he married an asian women with the last name Chi and the show was like a Modern Family sitcom, but with Asians. I was working in TV and I pitched the show to a friend who was successful in tech and he told me how the show would never get green-lit because it was to racially specific. A year later Fresh Off the Boat was green-lit and it is now on it’s 5th season. The Kim-Chi’s would have been way better, but I gave power to one person’s opinion because he had found some success. Only you know what’s best. Thoughts become things. I could have sold that show. I could have done a lot in the past few years, but I didn’t because I cared to much about everyone else and what I wanted wasn’t clear. A moment I will never forget, in college my “professor,” Barbara Molloy at UC Davis Design Program, told me I wasn’t a good designer and didn’t have what it took and would never make it as a designer after designing this extra terrestrial poster of Galileo. When I started to cry she said, “What are you going to do about it? I just got tenure.” First of all, fuck Barbara Molly and secondly, never let someone take YOU away from YOU. Have crazy huge bizarre as phuck new year goals? Just do it.

In 2017 I learned that everything begins with LOVE. If you don’t love something, it’s just not going to work out. One of my resolutions was

“Say no to work that will no progress me.”

This resolution lost me money and relationships with long time clients. I couldn’t figure out why I kept falling into same old patterns and why I felt so crippled; it was because I couldn’t say NO.

The moment I said NO was when I became free.

My vision cleared and I could see the unconscious truth to so many people, but most of all, the truth to my self worth.

This lesson ties into my unfufilled 11th resolution. What stops you from completing your ULTIMATE goals?

There are two things that will stop you from getting to where you WANT to go.

  1. If you don’t truly WANT IT.
  2. You don’t fear reaching your goal, but you fear the fucking process. What if it doesn’t work? What if it takes longer than you expected? What if you start and then stop?

You think, well there’s so much to do to reach it and although it’s not impossible, who are we kidding, I have other things to worry about. Bitch, it’s called side hustle. How bad do you want it?

If you have this goal and you know what you want so badly but can’t seem to start, then you haven’t let you balls drop.

Everyday, basic bitches and regular dudes flock to Mind Body Green, Goop, Forbes and some other bullshit blog for how to destress, how to save money, how to get into shape, and to learn what makes someone attractive. How many times can one website write about “how to be happy?” Are you that robotic to allow that bullshit into your operating system?

What’s going to happen this month, December? Your inboxes will be flooded with deals! New Year Special alerts! Every instagram post will be pinpointed to your “interests”.

In Gwyneth Paltrow’s Goop bullshit blog today you can learn how to sleep, keep your man happy, have the PRETTIEST skin, escape to any corner of the world, and watch someone get a makeover – all while being able to throw a stress free party and buy a $400 blouse that looks like it’s from Zara.

Today, in Forbes, the ACTOR dude Erlich from the show Silicon Valley can tell you how “Hard work will TRUMP talent.” You can also learn how another millennial got rich, a billionth “tip” on how to write the perfect resume, how rich celebrities are, and how to save money on Holiday spending.

We’re told that if we follow these How To steps, you will reach your goals.

All the answers you seek are already answered inside of you.

No MIND BODY BULLSHIT website will help you, they’ll just confuse your ultimate purpose and prey upon you to buy their products and make you feel like shit.

YOU WANT TO KNOW THE SECRET, KEEP READING.

You want to know how to save money? Stop spending money and make more money.
You want to know how to lose weight? Move your body you lazy fuck.
You want to know how to destress? Stop giving a shit about what people think.
You want to know the answer to happiness? I’ll tell you, get your shit together because no fucking website can help you with your happiness. DO THE WORK, YOU ALREADY ARE THE WIZARD TO THE ANSWERS YOU SEEK.

If you’re 💯 % ready for change in your life, you must be careful what you consume and how you seek answers. In 2016, I was desperate to become my Ultimate Self that I accidentally joined a cult called Kundalini.

Oops.

Ooops.

This is a much bigger story that deserves a separate article, but instead of doing THE WORK, I tried to take a shortcut by chanting words with no real meaning because a self proclaimed Guru told me to chant “LAKSHMAN” to get rich. Visualizations and the law of attraction are real, but you don’t need to pay money for a ‘celebrity’ endorsed guru to have you hump the floor and bow down to her quoting some dead dude who wore a turban and claimed he was the one and only White Tantric master to practice getting what you want.

Note to self: No self proclaimed Guru’s mantras will make me rich. The only person who got rich was this overweight “Guru” telling people to eat fruits starting with the letter P, pant like a dog, and to do breathing exercises to get skinny. No joke kids. I wish I was joking.

The irony.

FUCK LAKSHAM!

For my 2017 resolutions, I wrote a list. It read “Read this every morning, word for word.” I taped it next to my bed. It’s the only thing I have on my walls in my bedroom. For months I read it every morning and I’m embarrassed to say I stopped reading it, but it was there and you know what, I fulfilled ALL of my resolutions but ONE. That ONE was and is probably the biggest and is easily achievable, but it’s interesting how we hold ourselves back from what we really want. That ONE resolution would make me money, make me feel better about myself, and open so many doors and yet, I didn’t hustle as hard as I could have… but you know why I didn’t? It’s not that I failed, it’s that I had to fulfill the other ten. Those ten resolutions bring me to where I am right now, they created The Last Generation, and have changed my entire life in unforeseen beautiful ways. If I had scrapped my resolutions the moment I sought approval from my friend, I truly believe I would have died (again and for good this time).

If you aren’t living the life you want to live, then you are indeed dying.

What are your resolutions? How are you going to celebrate when your balls drop.


Moral of the Story

Get rich or die trying.

Resolutions aren’t about being realistic. You know what you can handle and you can handle a lot. If it’s real to you then it’s fucking real. If you can see and most importantly feel it, then don’t let it go. If you make a New Year Resolution, you must want it, or that resolution will render pointless. You must not give a shit about what others think because if you want it so bad, then no one else should want it more than you. There are no shortcuts to losing weight or making real friends or getting rich… Maybe getting rich, but life isn’t fair, so be shameless.

Show up for yourself.

👊🏾Take what you want.👊🏾


TLG Resolutions

  1. Twista! If you are part of TLG, the you know who Twista the rapper is. WTF HAPPENED TO TWISTA? Interview Twista is our dream.
  2. Get published on a bigger platform.
  3. Get one real TLG investor
  4. Write every day for 1 year, even if one sentence.
  5. Get paid for writing.
  6. Get a job with a dream creative team.
  7. Read more about politics so I can hate on shit that really matters.

To 2017

You were my scariest most difficult most beautiful and magical adult year yet. In 2017 I became a probably butt girl, I dumped fake friends, I burnt bridges and have begun to build more stable ones, I killed a demon, and I became a hero to myself. At the beginning of the year I set out to meet my person, and the person I fell in love with was myself. I’ve stopped dating and have never felt less alone and loved in my life.

2017 was frightening on many levels, from Charlottesville to Vegas, we went back in time. Yes many could argue #MeToo was ground breaking, but we have become a culture of witch hunters. Harvey Weinstein and the pigs deserve to be fried, but we thrive off of who to burn next. We used to have to look to our youth for the future, but I believe we must look to and learn from the past for the future. With nonstop bullshit content and fake news and self obsessed millennials and desperate housewives stuck to their selfie camera, we’ve lost sight and knowledge on not only how to communicate, but on what really matters. We at the TLG don’t hate Trump because he knows more than us and hating anyone isn’t good for the spirit. He was politically dumb, but he’s been schooled and it’s time we start schooling ourselves or shut the fuck up and stop reposting fake news. How many American’s can recite the top five amendments of the constitution, or know our current state of public policy, or understand what and how the UN works. America is great, never forget how lucky you are.


If all else fails, chant LAKSHMAN and go to a magical place!


It hasn’t been easy for me to put it and me out there, at times I’ve felt weak and insecure about my transparency, but every part of me tells me I have a path already written and need to follow it or I’ll be lost forever. I’m grateful for negativity and the person who told me my resolutions were stupid, fore there is no positive without negative. I no longer fit in anyone’s box. A very heart breaking with love thank you to my real friends who have supported me and The Last Generation without judgement and fear. Thank you to my readers and random creepy lurkers, I love you. You know who you are.


All I want for Christmas is for you to subscribe (since my ‘real’ friends suck balls and haven’t subscribed) 🎄


Bloomberg theorizes the first Bank of Amazon will appear in 2018, but TLG theories the bank of Amazon already exists and it’s called AMAZON.COM. Duh. Fake news.

In 2018, a warrior woman named Carla Romo is going to explode in the relationship and life coach millennial scene. Her weapon is mastered and drawn. Just you watch. You heard it here first!

 

A special thanks to Twista for letting me rip off your Sunshine song in the video. I can’t wait to interview you. Also a special thanks to Gillian Leigh, the best most inspiring booty shaker in all the land, for letting me steal your dance moves.

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