I once met a 31-year-old man on Bumble named Paul.
He was very tall.
He drove a white AMG Mercedes and seemed like a guy that could get all the ladies.
I thought wow, now this is a guy to make babies.
He was born in Boston and was obsessed with Tom Brady.
He was a guys guy, a good guy into sports, and didn’t seem shady.
Paul went to a good college and seemed to come from a ‘good family.’
His father had passed and I felt embarrassed to have asked.
He was positive for the most part and successful at his job in tech.
He took me to fancy restaurants and was always the first to grab the check.
Paul dressed like a guy from GQ magazine, with his hair slick and his shoes shined.
It’s rare to meet a guy of Paul’s kind.
Paul was always polite and never late for a date.
He was a simple guy, maybe too simple for me, that just loved Boston and hockey.
The thing about Paul was he was really bad at a little thing called talkie.
He smiled beautifully big, listened to me ramble, and had NOTHING to say.
Trying to have a simple conversation with him would have taken all day.
But he liked me, he really really was interested despite him being mute.
On our first two dates I mistook it for shyness and thought it was cute.
It wasn’t shyness, he actually was a mute.
We didn’t have our first kiss until our fourth date.
After a few drinks, I figured it was time to seal our fate.
He smashed his face into mine like a head slam and bam!
Gosh fuckin’ dam!
He kissed me like a 13-year-old virgin then giggled as if he had never touched a woman before.
I really don’t think he had touched a woman before.
I took a shot of whiskey and figured hell, I’m about to act like a whore.
We went to his apartment and oh my god, what a horror!
The carpets were stained, the walls had holes, and his sheets were red.
I couldn’t imagine sleeping in that boy-in-a-man’s-body’s bed.
I tried so hard not to be a shallow, it was just a single man’s apartment.
But then he touched my boob and the man of no words at all squealed “yuppeeeee!”
And there I gave sweet Paul a hug and mercy kiss and ran on a spree!
Paul checked every box, he was perfectly dateable.
But despite the criteria our connection was non-debatable.
I never heard from Paul again and felt so guilty that I reached out.
It’s been months and after dating many ‘men’ since, I’ve come to realize maybe a guy like Paul wouldn’t have been so bad.
He did give me all he had…
Even with every box checked, Paul just wasn’t for me.
It just goes to show that there are no rules when it comes to human connection.
I do feel stupid and hope Paul finds a great girl.
The next time a guy gets so excited grabbing my boob I’ve learned to not be so rude.
With my new found realistic expectations,
I’m still single and hoping to find the right dude.
Swipe right, swipe left, wiggle undo,
It’s time I start to appreciate what is true.
I haven’t prayed to anything or anyone in years, maybe 8 or more. I was baptized Catholic, taught the hale Mary and the Our Father like a chant. I had no idea what-the-fuck any of it meant, but I had to say it anyway. Luckily (in my opinion), neither of my parents were/are religious. My mother baptized me because like many who do not lead, she just did it because she was baptized and so on…
In college I realized what I liked about religion was the history of it. I studied in Paris when I was 19 and remember learning how it would take generations upon generations of families to build one single cathedral. There are like a bajillion in Paris! With no machinery, how did a giant cathedral on the top of a hill with stained glass and literally every inch molded and detailed get built so perfectly and still be standing? I seriously still can’t imagine how this shit actually got made. Maybe aliens helped? The beauty is that a community would believe in the bible and saints and commandments so much that they would spend their entire lives and their children’s lives building a house of worship. Could you even imagine that today anywhere in the world? We don’t build things to last or tell a grand story anymore – not relationships, not churches, not homes, and not even in our own daily lives. We want it now, we want it cheap, and it better be good or it’ll be tossed.
Historically, all noted wars and acts of hate stem from religion (and then race). You’d think with the internet today people would be exposed to more therefore be vastly open minded, but if anything we’re being exposed to an entirely new level of evil and war on religion than ever and beyond; because now we can do it anonymously.
I believe we should believe in whatever, if anything, just the deep unexplainable magic within. (*Side Note: I really want to try 5MEODMT) The beautiful thing about church or a mosque or a yoga mat or a little gold plastic shrine inside a shanti is that we as humans all go to these places for the common want of good and resolution.
Why do we pray? For resolution, when nothing else makes sense, you pray.
We are magically alive, it’s insane, and if we can be alive, then there are other unexplainable things that can happen.
Imagine two magnets. Two simple elements that when they are big enough and close enough they attract and come together. It’s hard to stop and separate magnets and even if you put something between them, they still let off invisible waves that try to connect.
Magnets are simple and humans are not.
Humans are SO MUCH MORE POWERFUL THAN MAGNETS. So if you let off an energy to connect to something, it will come to you. That’s the Law of Attraction and that’s the power of prayer, manifestation, and God.
I’ve never questioned God because I innately have always just believed in the divine, something big and greater than us. The word “God” is a metaphor to me. God is life, the magic in a Harry Potter book, the air we breath, the reason why we are alive. God is the word of just something greater and unexplained rather than a man or a woman or some one out of a book. (although I do think of God with a masculine presence, but that could be because I long for a man, a great protector in my life)
I prayed last night for the first time in a very long time, practically another life time, and today I feel okay, almost like something may or may not had been answered. Was it me or God answering? I’d like to think God. Like many, I struggle with happiness, but as of late, I feel something much deeper, like I’m suffering, maybe even dying a little. I feel petrified some days trying to find my way and the right career. I have all these skills and things I want to offer to the world and I’m so ready to kill it, but struggle to show people that side of me. I’m single, ready to meet someone and yet I know that’ll never happen until I am moving forward with my bigger purpose, which is to be a leader.
I prayed to God and it wasn’t easy. I’ve been unconscious the past few weeks, have literally felt nothing. While feeling nothing, I prayed to God to help me push through this critical time and magically today I feel able to really push through. I am feeling again, which I hadn’t in weeks. I’ve written three articles and am ready to write a fourth. That’s so much more than what I’ve done in a year. I have a vision for this site you are reading right now, that is not launched yet. Can I launch it?
Amen. Maybe I’ll try it again.
UPDATE: I’ve been praying to God for 30 days. Every time I’ve prayed something immaculate has happened and very unexplainable things have been occurring. My prayers are being answered and answered fast. I prayed when I was surfing and dolphins appeared, then I prayed when I was surfing again and this person I know from Brazil whom I haven’t seen in four years appears in the water! Two days ago I said something I don’t know if I have ever said,
“I’m having the best day of my life.”
Big things are happening. It is prayer? Is it me? I think it’s magic.
UPDATE: I launched this editorial, The Last Generation. With typos and all, I did it, every part of it, all on my own. Thank you prayer.