But does he come from a ‘good family?’
I always say that the person I end up with probably won’t have a family, because I don’t have one and it’s an experience that only those who have fully accepted and embraced they weren’t born into a good family can understand. I want a good family, but I want to choose mine and build it. How many people can truly say that they have made the conscious decision to choose their family? If you’ve said it, then this choice was probably birthed from shame. I don’t feel worthy to be with someone who comes from a good family because this is the way society and my friends have standardized family. By not being born into a good family, I’m automatically shamed, like something in me will stay broken because of the choices my parents made… and maybe this is true.
To my friends with a good family who only search for someone with a good family, I wish you luck with the one you create.
By today’s standard, a ‘good family’ means:
- Having parents that aren’t divorced and or are remarried all get along
- Close siblings
- Having grown up in a nice home with happy holidays
- Little to no dysfunction or appearance of no dysfunction to outsiders
- Having a family name with notoriety
- A family that can afford college tuition
- Coming from money
A good family, they do exist, but sadly I was not born into one.
Am I a red flag?
Am I instantly checked off a box for the majority of men I am attracted to? The men I’m attracted to are generally white, educated, athletic, and well traveled (a.k.a. every woman’s dream man).
Every circumstance is different and people are complicated, but being a single 20-something today means that dating is either yes or no.
Swipe left or swipe right, there is no middle. Do you check the boxes?
I’m lucky to have some beautiful single girlfriends born into good families. I often feel like the black sheep with them, but I prefer to identify with a white one – a blank canvas filled with light. They all know I don’t come from money or come from a good family yet alone have a speaking relationship any of my blood relatives, but when they describe the positives about a dateable man, they lead with where he went to college, if he is tall, what he does for a living, and if he comes from a good family (meaning wealthy and parents that aren’t divorced). They’re all dating, all on dating apps, and every time they meet a guy, he’s got to check the boxes of a superficial criteria. Despite my lack of a ‘good family,’ I am guilty of this too.
But what does it really mean to come from a good family? Does coming from a good family determine your spouse’s future? If one person comes from a good family and the other does not, does that mean they aren’t compatible?