“I can’t wait to turn 30!” said no one ever. There’s this van culture thing happening. Cute 20-somethings are living in vans. … KEEP READING👀
What is meaningless sex? Seriously? Everything has meaning.
The word “meaningless” has meaning.
But does he come from a ‘good family?’
I always say that the person I end up with probably won’t have a family, because I don’t have one and it’s an experience that only those who have fully accepted and embraced they weren’t born into a good family can understand. I want a good family, but I want to choose mine and build it. How many people can truly say that they have made the conscious decision to choose their family? If you’ve said it, then this choice was probably birthed from shame. I don’t feel worthy to be with someone who comes from a good family because this is the way society and my friends have standardized family. By not being born into a good family, I’m automatically shamed, like something in me will stay broken because of the choices my parents made… and maybe this is true.
To my friends with a good family who only search for someone with a good family, I wish you luck with the one you create.
By today’s standard, a ‘good family’ means:
- Having parents that aren’t divorced and or are remarried all get along
- Close siblings
- Having grown up in a nice home with happy holidays
- Little to no dysfunction or appearance of no dysfunction to outsiders
- Having a family name with notoriety
- A family that can afford college tuition
- Coming from money
A good family, they do exist, but sadly I was not born into one.
Am I a red flag?
Am I instantly checked off a box for the majority of men I am attracted to? The men I’m attracted to are generally white, educated, athletic, and well traveled (a.k.a. every woman’s dream man).
Every circumstance is different and people are complicated, but being a single 20-something today means that dating is either yes or no.
Swipe left or swipe right, there is no middle. Do you check the boxes?
I’m lucky to have some beautiful single girlfriends born into good families. I often feel like the black sheep with them, but I prefer to identify with a white one – a blank canvas filled with light. They all know I don’t come from money or come from a good family yet alone have a speaking relationship any of my blood relatives, but when they describe the positives about a dateable man, they lead with where he went to college, if he is tall, what he does for a living, and if he comes from a good family (meaning wealthy and parents that aren’t divorced). They’re all dating, all on dating apps, and every time they meet a guy, he’s got to check the boxes of a superficial criteria. Despite my lack of a ‘good family,’ I am guilty of this too.
But what does it really mean to come from a good family? Does coming from a good family determine your spouse’s future? If one person comes from a good family and the other does not, does that mean they aren’t compatible?
I once met a 31-year-old man on Bumble named Paul.
He was very tall.
He drove a white AMG Mercedes and seemed like a guy that could get all the ladies.
I thought wow, now this is a guy to make babies.
He was born in Boston and was obsessed with Tom Brady.
He was a guys guy, a good guy into sports, and didn’t seem shady.
Paul went to a good college and seemed to come from a ‘good family.’
His father had passed and I felt embarrassed to have asked.
He was positive for the most part and successful at his job in tech.
He took me to fancy restaurants and was always the first to grab the check.
Paul dressed like a guy from GQ magazine, with his hair slick and his shoes shined.
It’s rare to meet a guy of Paul’s kind.
Paul was always polite and never late for a date.
He was a simple guy, maybe too simple for me, that just loved Boston and hockey.
The thing about Paul was he was really bad at a little thing called talkie.
He smiled beautifully big, listened to me ramble, and had NOTHING to say.
Trying to have a simple conversation with him would have taken all day.
But he liked me, he really really was interested despite him being mute.
On our first two dates I mistook it for shyness and thought it was cute.
It wasn’t shyness, he actually was a mute.
We didn’t have our first kiss until our fourth date.
After a few drinks, I figured it was time to seal our fate.
He smashed his face into mine like a head slam and bam!
Gosh fuckin’ dam!
He kissed me like a 13-year-old virgin then giggled as if he had never touched a woman before.
I really don’t think he had touched a woman before.
I took a shot of whiskey and figured hell, I’m about to act like a whore.
We went to his apartment and oh my god, what a horror!
The carpets were stained, the walls had holes, and his sheets were red.
I couldn’t imagine sleeping in that boy-in-a-man’s-body’s bed.
I tried so hard not to be a shallow, it was just a single man’s apartment.
But then he touched my boob and the man of no words at all squealed “yuppeeeee!”
And there I gave sweet Paul a hug and mercy kiss and ran on a spree!
Paul checked every box, he was perfectly dateable.
But despite the criteria our connection was non-debatable.
I never heard from Paul again and felt so guilty that I reached out.
It’s been months and after dating many ‘men’ since, I’ve come to realize maybe a guy like Paul wouldn’t have been so bad.
He did give me all he had…
Even with every box checked, Paul just wasn’t for me.
It just goes to show that there are no rules when it comes to human connection.
I do feel stupid and hope Paul finds a great girl.
The next time a guy gets so excited grabbing my boob I’ve learned to not be so rude.
With my new found realistic expectations,
I’m still single and hoping to find the right dude.
Swipe right, swipe left, wiggle undo,
It’s time I start to appreciate what is true.