“I can’t wait to turn 30!” said no one ever. There’s this van culture thing happening. Cute 20-somethings are living in vans. … KEEP READING👀
Can you be homesick for a place or person you’ve never met? I feel homesick all the time.
We dream. We dream about our dream unjob, a dream home (or apartment cause that’s what us TLG’ers are stuck with), that dream car, the dream wedding, the dream instagramable destination, our dream ultimate self (or at least our dream of how we appear on social media), and our dream love, but does one ever dream about their dream friend? Other people are everything and you are what you think not only of yourself, but what you think of others.
Who do you turn to when you get ghosted by that guy you met by the swipe of your finger? Who do you turn to on holidays when your family isn’t so good? Who do you turn to when your heart gets broken or your rent controlled apartment balcony collapses? You turn to your friends.
If you could have a dream friend, who would that be? What would you do together? What would silence feel like when there was no sound? How would this person support that missing piece… you know that thing you’re homesick for even if you’ve never seen it, or been there, or truly felt it.
You can tell a lot about a Ho by her Christmas tree. From black angels up-top to Pottery Barn down below, there are three types of Christmas Ho’s.
Note: Don’t get a Christmas Ho twiest with a Tinder Hoe. Tres diferente!
Disclaimer: If you don’t identify with the Three Ho’s of Christmas, then you simply aren’t a ho. Nice job!👍🏾Maybe…
Other Note: Ho’s can me a combination of Ho’s and men can be Ho’s too.
“Lakshman lakshman lakshman ong ong lakshman. Now shake your hips as fast as you can, imagine gold, and let your kundalini rise! Chant this to get rich in 2017.” preached a white blonde “guru” sitting on a golden throne wearing a white turban.
In the dark, I hypnotically moved my body, my arms swung from side to side and I imaged money pouring down. The freedom to just move compulsively, to reach wide and fast and sensual as I felt, plus it was gonna get rich. I had become a hindu God, Ganesh, with slithering arms and an elephant’s trunk defying gravity. Every time I said the mantra “lakshman,” I could take myself into this mythological cave world filled with mountains of gold and the luck of the Irish.
Boom. Indian God in Ireland. Boom, I’m gonna get rich.
Laksham! 2017 Laksham! 2018 Laksham! Am I rich yet?
New Years Eve, the most lonely night of the year.
I kept saying, “I’m not a butt girl.” as if I wasn’t good enough.
Gentleman don’t prefer blondes, they prefer butt girls.
Firstly, a butt girl MUST have an instagram account. A butt girl is a chick with a really hot body who has an instagram account that look just like every other gorgeous butt girl and yet you can’t look away. She has the thigh gap, tan skin, gorgeous other butt-girl friends, a perfect looking family, and all her photos consist of her butt, her model face, the beach, and her fabulous jet-set life. The thing is, although everyone already knows instagram profiles are curated and real life isn’t like the photos, you can’t help but want that butt girl’s fucking fabulous digital life. She’s got it all?