The Last Generation was really the last to learn about shit before you could google it. There used to be these things called Encyclopedias and they were expensive to own. If you were rich, you’d own the brand Britannica! They were updated annually, but most public school encyclopedias were a few years old, which meant facts may have changed since, but at least you knew something. In case you have never touched an encyclopedia, so you know, they were several books about everything. There was a book, sometimes two, for every letter in the alphabet.🙃You’d have to look at the back of the book to find out what page a subject was on, then flip to that page or go to a certain lettered book. An example would be “Hilter”. You’d look up “Hilter” in the index of the “H” book to find that you’d have to go to the “W” book to read about the dick head in the “World War II” section. This is all true. In fact, encyclopedias had been used for over 2,000 years. In medieval times, they were hand scribed, so only the rich and monastic men were able to get their hands on knowledge.
Where are your hands right now?
The cooler thing about encyclopedias is that your teachers couldn’t google either, so if you were a decent bullshitter, you could read a couple lines and bullshit your papers. You could even plagiarize, and unless you had a really smart Dumbledore-all-powerful-full-of-knowlege professor (they did exist), then boom A+! This lovely skill has evolved into bullshit headlines. The more information we have, the more full of shit we’ve become.
What is real?
There used to be this thing called “respected journalism” where you’d have to gain the trust of a journalist and once you did, you’d scour the papers just to read what they wrote. Do you know anything about the writers of the “content” you read? Name one. (Mel-a-n-i-e Blanchard, naturally 😉 )
How quickly we’ve all forgotten to read the facts.
What happens when you don’t read the news for a week? Nothing. You will have ultimately gained the same amount of information as you would have while obsessively scrolling down headlines looking a hashtags that makes you feel better about yourself. But someone you know will shame you for not keeping up and spit you out some headline “facts.”
GASP! OMG you haven’t heard? (we’ve all done it)
Here is the groundbreaking news you might have missed last week (September 2017)!
- Trump called Kim Jong-un, “Rocket Man” because some “expert” somewhere said NoKo is tossing paper planes over Japan. Elton John was practically defiled. Excerpt from NYMag in the Daily Intelligencier section:
- Some athlete refused to stand for the National Anthem and “took da knee.” #taketheknee trended and every other athlete took the knee and were called heroes. Other celebs tweeted #taketheknee to jump on the hero train.
- The president tweeted stuff and everyone talked shit and people wrote about it
- We all forgot about hurricane Irene. Look at any news site, no headline in site! Cured! Must be rainbows over there! 🌈
- Some 20-year-old white hoe got pregnant by a black rapper and no one has the balls to talk about how sad and gross it is that we’ve been following the life of a girl who was pimped out at the age of 16 to men who sing about knocking a pussy out like fight night.
That’s it! You are ultimately caught up with world news! Don’t you feel smarter?
Really kids, lets take a little time and investigate. Remember why we all loved Sherlock Holmes so much? Nothing is what it seems and when you figure shit out, you win and a theme song is played.
What did you consume today? What are you going to post about next?
SOME THINGS NO ONE TALKS ABOUT
- when you have a friend who’s “friends” with a racist that makes “jokes” and everyone laughs and says nothing to tell him to shut-the-phuck-up and people still hang out with him
- that it’s natural to be a little racist or uncomfortable toward someone that doesn’t look like you or believe what you believe because we’re apex predators and we are really just on this planet to survive and mate. Some people who look scary are scary. Uptopia isn’t real, but we can change the world order of thoughts.
- how woman trick men into getting married
- how asian and black chicks use bleaching cream and lighter makeup to look whiter, but a white girl who wants to look black gets shamed. Black is mo beautiful!
- the Forgotten War with North Korea
- How buildings are really ugly. They used to look like this!
- BP Oil Spill! That shit is still not cleaned up!
- the other people affected by Hurricane Irma other than Richard Branson’s flamingos
- why we follow people we don’t like…
- we’re obsessed with hearing about someone failing, like a pregnant 20-year-old billionaire who was hookered out by the age of 16.
- the dark web! really, no one truly talks about it.
- taking shits
- what else?
MORAL OF THE STORY
You know nothing John Snow. There really is no story. You will read this and then most likely not change your ways. WHY? Think about it? It’s cause you’re a lazy phuck and you like not having to think on your own. You’re all talking shit about AI, but you’re already a computer. You’re AI! (thanks for that one Shortsleeve)
*inspired by you! and stupid conversations with awesome people.
LISTEN. R.N. !
In Other News
You can get color tie dyed paper delivered in the mail. FACT!
INVESTIGATIVE JOURNALISM AT ITS BESTTT. 👊🏽
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