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Swipe right if you have a million dollars, 100k followers, tight skin, a solid gold vagina, and you'll pay for my dinner. MBA from Harvard required. When 30-something eggs fry up. #undateable

Bad Witch turns Tall Man Short! Possible suspect, a Blonde Asian with Hair in Her Face

in 30/Almosts/Bitch Be Humble/Swipe by
The Last Generation, the last gen, thelastgen, mel blanchard gong, Melanie, millennial culture, vice, blunt thoughts, apocalypse, travel, magic spell, pumpkin spice, Starbucks, looks fade, shallow Hal, instagram, fake butt, dating, tall men, egos, humility, sex and the city, mr big, heartbreak, the one, rant, trader joes, assholes, unapologetic, bird scooters, tinder, bumble, dating apps, live your best life, liveyourbestlife, single for life, beauty skin deep, ghosted

Imagine if every tall shallow-man-child you knew woke up and was magically turned short for one year. Would they grow into real men? Imagine if short men were tall for a year, would they steam up into asshole lattés☕️ or would they be every single swiper’s dream? If a girl can ask how tall a guy is on an app then a guy has the right to ask what her weight is. Game on.

They come in all shapes and sizes. Their bank accounts will always have a different sum. They drive Mini Coopers, lifted trucks, shiney Mercedes Benz, used Teslas, Ducati’s, fixies, Bird Scooters and prefer a good lease on luxury. A lease is usually favored, you know, so they can trade them in when they wear them out and the miles wrack up. Yes, I’m referring to the overpopulation of assholes. No it’s not just tall men, shorties and woman can be assholes too. I know this because I used to be one. KEEP READING👀

Getting to Know Someone Without Getting to Know Someone

in Bitch Be Humble/Swipe by

Mirror mirror on my wall, look at who I follow to see through it all.

While the U.S. Congress and hashtag-trolls bitch about the all-powerful-yucky-Zucky, ya’ll forget that the devil is in the details you give. You want privacy ay? You want to remain the mystery woman of the night? Boys wanna keep their Tristan Thompson game? Well wee’z about to get real-as-phuck right now. Leave Zuckerberg alone, dis shit is on you.

The Awakening of Zuck

Having an instagram is like having a home address, it’s a place where you live, and a place that you decorate and constantly reinvent yourself. It’s a place where you discover fetishes you never knew you had, like butt girls, oozing fudge brownies, fuzzy pups, before and after hungry hoes… whatever you look for, there’s a destination for you to travel to on IG. It’s a space to invite your friends and watch not-real-story reality selfie shows. It’s your best fake friend that you share every moment with. Giving your instagram ‘screenname’ (yeah, I’m old school like dat) to someone you just swiped right on is so so very much more than giving your digits. When someone asks for your IG, they are inquiring in the same way of some crystal loving unemployed Venice dweller who asks what your sun sign is. Your instagram can make or break someone’s opinion of you, it can make you undateable, unemployable, and unreal. KEEP READING👀

Take a bat to the Benz. Remember me when I’m no longer @

in Die Trying/Swipe/Unsatisfied by

The only person that will truly show up for you in life is yourself. 6 and 6 is when I show up for myself, sunrise and sunset. I haven’t seen the sunrise in the past month. Why? Because I’ve been on Instagram. After writing Getting to Know Someone, without Getting to Know Someone, something happened… I remembered why I had started The Last Generation. I didn’t want someone to get to know me without getting to know me. If instagram is the new form of a home address, then the thing is, I don’t want anyone knowing where I live.

Will you remember who I am when I’m no longer @ ? I hope not, remember me for me.

I did, it’s true. I took a bat to my Benz.

KEEP READING👀

Fact versus Fantasy. To be or NOT to be a BUTT GIRL.

in Almosts/Die Trying/Swipe by
The last generation, the last gen, tlg, Mel Blanchard gong, millennials, culture, American dream, student debt, travel, youth, freedom, zero, 0, imagination, dreams do some true, nothing is impossible, what’s wrong with America, owe nothing, own nothing, do everything, reality, music, design, writing, New York times, New Yorker, dream friends, fake friends, social media, like, followers, connection, communication, relationship, magazine, gen z, ibaby, advertisement, campaign, Jeff Bezos, Peter thiel, thiel fellowship, scholarship, still dreamers, billionaires, Elon musk, gates foundation, bill gates, rich poor, guns and butter, dreams of zero, Nicki manaj, shithole, shit hole, trump, kardashian, bigger butt, butt girl, Christmas , space aliens ufo conspiracy, Harry Potter, magic, imagination, Los Angeles, selfie, thelastgen.com, me too, #metoo, butt girl, narcissist, culture, mean girls, Mel Blanchard Gong, The Three Ho's of Xmas, christmas tree, tradition, shallow, tinsel, basic bitch, stripper, milk and cookies, naughty or nice, slut, like, followers, selfie, bitcoin, cryptocurrency, decentralization blockchain, MONEY, dark web, debt, culture, 30, millennial, savings, fbi, trump, security, future, communication, 2018, 2017, new year, nye, midnight, cinderella, new you, start over, inspire, resolution, Bridget jones, spirit bitch, overalls, instafamous, instagram, hashtag, facebook

I kept saying, “I’m not a butt girl.” as if I wasn’t good enough.

Gentleman don’t prefer blondes, they prefer butt girls.

Firstly, a butt girl MUST have an instagram account. A butt girl is a chick with a really hot body who has an instagram account that look just like every other gorgeous butt girl and yet you can’t look away. She has the thigh gap, tan skin, gorgeous other butt-girl friends, a perfect looking family, and all her photos consist of her butt, her model face, the beach, and her fabulous jet-set life. The thing is, although everyone already knows instagram profiles are curated and real life isn’t like the photos, you can’t help but want that butt girl’s fucking fabulous digital life. She’s got it all?

Don’t force the narrative. Just because she’s got a nice cheeky ass doesn’t mean she’s all that nice. KEEP READING👀

Travel 🚀UP↑