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The Subtle Art of Pretending to Protest

in A Real Story/Die Trying/Unsatisfied by


As protestors flock into Washington DC for tomorrow’s (October 4, 2018) much larger protest than last week and the entire country believes headlines and what they see in photos with #hashtags, you probably should know the truth 👁behind what September 27th, 2018 was really like.

DC Protests are a likers paradise, a lurkers play pin, and an internet troll’s live dream post stream.

She was the E and I was the S, the last S in the word ABUSERS. On a true humid demon mosquito filled night in the south, I found myself in front of the White House with ‘peaceful’ protesters called the Kremlin Annex; they refer to Trump as Putin’s assistant. They had been protesting for 72 days straight. Each night a very dedicated group of what appeared to be seniors in lime vests holds up happily lit letters with a new word or phrase and a really cool smooth criminally guy sings in a mic while the letter holders do the wave. From “Cover Up” to “Perjury” to “Call In FBI.” With a mere 900 followers on Facebook and in a time of demmies and flatulators and #hashtags, it’s odd that no one really knows about the Kremlin Annex. They dance in front of White House every night for phucks sake. I showed up on the full moon’s eve of the word “Abusers.” KEEP READING👀

Don’t cuddle with a Shapeshifter 🐺 Paint Your Roses Dead!🥀

in Bitch Be Humble/Coin Therapy/Inter$t Rate by

As the fall equinox 🍂embarks upon us, on September 21st to be exact, and the nights start to feel like that I-need-someone-to-hold-me-in-dark feeling, you must be weary of two types of people- seasonal cuddle assholes who spoon only in the winter as if they were in a playoff 🏈 and Shapeshifters🐺… They are often one in the same and more dangerous than what Trader Joe’s gluten free pumpkin🎃 muffins do to your butt.🍑

To begin, there are five types of people on this planet🇺🇸🌎. 🤚🏾.

#1s 👆🏽Smart people who know facts and thus govern
#2s ✌🏽Stupid people who pretend to know facts and thus are anti everything
#3s ✌🏽🖕🏽Stupid people who keep their mouths shut and follow the leader, and thus are anti whatever their leader is anti.
#4s 🖖🏽The most dangerous, the Shape-Shifter. They are not pulled by the moonlight🌕, but rather their iPhone light. Both pseudo-smart and pseudo- stupid, they comprehend just enough and use the information they do know to intimidate for the lack of feeling better about what they don’t know. This is called trix and it’s to feel in control and to gain power without having worked as hard as #1s. #4s are gifted at tricking people into thinking they are #1s, setting off a wave of trending panic, and are the a-holes that are all like, “I’m so crypto! I exist on the blockchain! Decentralize yo life you loser!” They say “fuck the dollar, fuck government,” yet crave the dollar so hard. They’re like a knock-off Van Gogh painting at Micheal’s. The brush strokes look real, but there’s no actual texture; no time went into it.
#0s 👌🏽The unicorns🦄, people who have found a way to be totally free – to owe nothing, own nothing, do everything, and answer to no one. KEEP READING👀

Eat. Pray. Vagabond. – A Real Story. Almost 30. #NotLivingMyBestLife

in 30/Almosts/Die Trying/Unsatisfied by
The Last Generation, the last gen, thelastgen, mel blanchard gong, Melanie, millennial culture, vice, blunt thoughts, apocalypse, travel, kauai, adventure, hobbit, Gandalf stick, laws of travel, coming of age, instagram, butt girls, relationships, sex, dating, turning 30, aging, student loans, liveyourbestlife, live your best life, eat pray love, vagabond, real story, blog, editorial, real story, couchsurfing, napali coast, kauai sea tours, Princeville, queens bath, waterfall, finding Nemo, jurassic park gate, south side, poipu

I’m almost 30 and Instagram has officially has let me know that I am not living my best life. We’ve literally amazed the fuck out of life that nothing amazes me anymore. Everyone is #livingtheirbestlife, but yet why does it feel like I’m not living mine? I don’t even have Instagram.

Is it really that easy, to choose your own adventure?

If I could choose, then I would never turn 30.

In another life… I would be, do, see, love…. What about this life? Why can’t I do it all in this life?

With Instagram, it appears everyone is on a grand unexpected journey. Have you ever been to a party and later watched it on someone’s story only to wonder if you were at the same party, but then you look back and all you recall was them behind their phone taking selfies (you probably were too), and the devil inside you takes over and boom “that bitch is so fake.” KEEP READING👀

Getting to Know Someone Without Getting to Know Someone

in Bitch Be Humble/Swipe by

Mirror mirror on my wall, look at who I follow to see through it all.

While the U.S. Congress and hashtag-trolls bitch about the all-powerful-yucky-Zucky, ya’ll forget that the devil is in the details you give. You want privacy ay? You want to remain the mystery woman of the night? Boys wanna keep their Tristan Thompson game? Well wee’z about to get real-as-phuck right now. Leave Zuckerberg alone, dis shit is on you.

The Awakening of Zuck

Having an instagram is like having a home address, it’s a place where you live, and a place that you decorate and constantly reinvent yourself. It’s a place where you discover fetishes you never knew you had, like butt girls, oozing fudge brownies, fuzzy pups, before and after hungry hoes… whatever you look for, there’s a destination for you to travel to on IG. It’s a space to invite your friends and watch not-real-story reality selfie shows. It’s your best fake friend that you share every moment with. Giving your instagram ‘screenname’ (yeah, I’m old school like dat) to someone you just swiped right on is so so very much more than giving your digits. When someone asks for your IG, they are inquiring in the same way of some crystal loving unemployed Venice dweller who asks what your sun sign is. Your instagram can make or break someone’s opinion of you, it can make you undateable, unemployable, and unreal. KEEP READING👀

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