30, doomsday. I’m not 30, so I can still talk shit about them. No one wants to turn 30 and even with all the filters/emojis/hashtags you use, followers you have, and even with all botox in the world. 30 is NOT the new 20. What is it about the number 30? Does something un-magically mundane happen when someone hits that number? Is there something we stop understanding? Do we lose our youth?
Fact: Everyone will turn 30, even millennials.
We all have fears, I fear aging. I fear the moment I look old, it’s too late, I’ll never get to where I want to be. I’m 28 and jealous of 25 year-olds. I’m jealous of millennials as if they have something I don’t; a three whole years. Cities thrive and feed off of youth and the word “millennial.” Today, if a company says they have “millennials” working for them then it’s pretty much saying “I’m a company with a future.” That scares me to death to think someone soon may not view me as part of the future.
What is a millennial by definition?
Somewhere on Google (so it must be true) says a millennial is “a person reaching young adulthood in the early 21st century from 1977-1996” and there after is Gen Z.” ‘Z’ is an interesting letter, the last letter- that also stands for Zombie. What does that mean for the generation after? Will it be the end or the beginning?
What is a REAL MILLENNIAL?
Let’s get real OMFG here, someone born in 1977 is NOT a millennial. Anyone that is 30 is NOT a millennial and if you’re almost 30 (born 1988ish), I hate to break it to you, but you aren’t a true “millennial” by today’s actual branded standard of hashtags and sext-messages. Calm down almost 30’s. You are the minority. Yay! Do you feel special now?
If you were born between 1989 to 1984, what you are is The Last Generation, and possibly the first.
You were The Last Generation to:
- have grown up as child without the internet
- the last to learn how to write with your hands because you had to
- the last to have to talk politely to bullshit someone’s parents on the phone first before getting to talk to your friend
- the last to think walkie-talkies were so fuckin’ cool
- the last experience communication with patience instead of immediacy
- the last to imagine a place without instantly being able to google it to see a photo
- the last to use a paper dictionary because you had to
- the last to use a paper map and truly get lost because you had to
- the last to be truly taught “taking to strangers is bad”
- the last to have to wait to get your photos developed from a drug store
- the last who could wonder Europe without being tracked down
- the last before social media
You were also the first generation:
- to adapt to a new world of communication and rapid evolving technology
- to experience the internet
- to be cyber bullied
- to accidentally end up on a porn site (remember whitehouse.com)
- to talk to strangers in a chat room (how far we’ve come with swiping)
- to use floppy disks, CDs, and Cassette Players (which are still all the most stable and private back-ups)
- to use predictive text messaging
- TO JUST GET TECHNOLOGY (we all have old AF parents that write letters in their text messages)
Being a millennial is a culture and state of mind. I would love to call myself a millennial, I’m teched out (I fucking created this site from nothing) and don’t give fuck, but at the end of the day there is this unsettling feeling of “why do I feel I need to do this” every time I post to social media or take a selfie about a moment that meant nothing, or quite the opposite, a moment that meant everything. Why do i need to swipe to meet a man that likes me for me? I don’t like being in photos. I resisted for years and looked down at these early-20 kids posting every minute of their life, but here I am doing it and it feels wrong.
If a tree falls in the forest and no one is around to hear it, did it happen?
If a beautiful epic moment happened and no one was around to take a picture and post it, did it happen?
The difference between real millennials and The Last Generation (TLG) is the paradigm shift in mentality. TLG seems to still be hesitant with sharing information, they question their selfies and battle with their urge to share too much. Maybe it’s just a part of getting older, but TLG also commutated differently. We still long for a phone call over a text and to meet someone because the universe brought two people together rather than through our iPhones.
YOU’RE PROBABLY NOT A MILLENNIAL IF
- you first pronounced Wi-Fi as Wee-Fee
- you thought using emoji’s was tacky to express your emotions but now it’s the only way you can express yourself
- you thought online dating was for losers, but are chill will swiping
- you remember Real World / Road Rules
- Myspace was your first social media profile
- you had Facebook when it was called The Facebook
- you had your own landline
- you remember Amazon as a used book buying platform
- you had a Nokia phone with a bad ass faceplate
- you feel embarrassed to take a selfie but do it anyways cause hey you’re young and hot too!
I fear not being fresh. There has been a lot of talk about how millennials just have an unreal outlook on life because of social media and how they consume information. Plastic surgery is at an all-time-high and they’re evolving into a generation that is handi-capped in our most precious tool for survival, communication. With all the technology in the world today, all the magical digital waves wi-fi flowing through us, how it is millennials have unlearned how to truly communicate?
It’s the end of the old world as we know it, and I feel fine. The Last Generation is probably the best of both worlds. We crave both communication and the new. Technology is moving at a rate that the human brain has never experienced. Ads, text messages, multiple apps chiming, social media, billboards, people talking, energy flying, and our own thoughts – we are constantly being bombarded with information every moment at a speed that has not been case-studied and that will fuck with your consciousness. We have no idea how this will affect the brain when we’re really old (like our parents). There is no time like now to start redesigning how we consume information and communicate.
The brain can be designed.
It can be done. Nothing is impossible.
“But, mamma said you can be whatever you wanna be, and I wanna be a millennial.”
If you want to be a millennial, then you are one. There are no fuckin rules anymore. Be and do whatever the fuck you want.
Mark Zuckerberg is part of The Last Generation and he’s a billionaire.