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The Great American: When something met nothing. Then there was an eclipse and we all took placebos.

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“The Eclipse puts us in our place.” – New York Times

SHUT THE FUCK UP.

During a total eclipse, spiders break their webs. During a total eclipse, Americans take a photo. Then we all went blind. What does it all mean?

Mercury is in retrograde in Virgo, black people are getting ran over in Charlottesville, some man born in 1953 got fired by another man with the exact same hair cut as him, and people are googling “what is an eclipse” before running outside to stare at the sun. It’s all connected and we are all connected, but you should already know that and if you needed a fucking eclipse and some Instagram narcissists to remind you, then you’re not all that great.

Maybe the Thai are onto something. During a total eclipse they bang pots and light fireworks to scare off the spirits because they believe it is the end.

Today’s “Great American” eclipse was unarguably a sight to see, but did you really look at it for what it was? The sun rises and sets every day, every day is once in a lifetime, but today, America was on the planet’s bull’s-eye, the path to totality and yet we’re all still here and nothing changed. Did your path change? Did America’s? According to Time, “The effects, they say, can be felt in the weeks before and after the actual passing of the eclipse.” Only time will tell, but weeks from now we’ll all forget about the eclipse and it’s possible aftershock because there will be no picture to take.

In minutes, every news outlet had something to say with no real content. Somewhere, right now (it is 12:50pm PST) in America, the total eclipse is still happening and yet every news outlet has already reported it’s over. In fact, The New York Times created this brilliant page to commemorate this ‘putting us in our place event.’

No point to watch when you can watch other people watching, right?

The moon passed over the sun and if you didn’t watch, you missed out on totality. Fact, when there’s a full moon, ocean waves get huge, plants grow, woke AF women bleed, people go nuts, nocturnal animals hunt, and other shit happens. It’s no coincidence that ‘unexplainable’ things happen during a full moon, it simply just is what happens. We exist, the world and planets turn and there is a much deeper meaning to it all. If you aren’t a believer that we’re connected to the planets and earth on a level that exceeds science then even if you watched the eclipse, you did not experience and will never experience Totality.

Simplicity. The moon and sun, we need both. They are really fucking magical and seeing the two come together is powerful, but what was more important to America today? It was getting the shot and reporting on nothing.

Just look up, don’t talk.

How marketable. The Great American Eclipse. The words “great” and “America” hold an intuitive poke now. The eclipse happened before and it will happen again, but will you have the chance to see it? Will you really see something that is both great and American again? Will you see when the light is covered by darkness again? Yes. If your eyes are open, you can see it right now, everywhere. Don’t go blind.

The Great American Eclipse meant everything and nothing at all. It was pretty cool to look at and the photos everyone posted while it was happening were cool.

Personal Story:

I was watching the eclipse with my bare naked eyes at El Porto in Manhattan Beach when this cute guy came over and gave me his eclipse glasses. I really think I need to write a craigslist missed connections post. That was true kindness. He didn’t want me to go blind!❤❤❤

In other news:

How about last nights episode of GOT? Now dat shit is TOTALITY!

 

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