Is it a bird? Is it a plane? No it’s a real human.
“My dream way to meet my soul mate is on an app,” said nobody, ever.
Oh you don’t believe in soul mates? That’s fine, but let’s not be too cool to admit that you’re looking for that perfect person to match your criteria and check all the boxes. Oh you want someone thin, active, career driven, and jams to your favorite beats too?
Does your neck hurt? Proud of your trim thumbs?
What’s your number? You ‘might’ be able to count the number of sexual partner’s you’ve had (if you think long and hard enough), but can you count how many people you’ve swiped through? How many great men and / or woman you passed up in less than a second by the press of your moist thumb on a device you bring everywhere with you from dinner to the toilet? Reflexing muscles takes practice and your brain is your most powerful muscle. Your brain used to control everything, but now your phone does for you. Your phone determines who and when the next time you will have sex with someone. We’re apex predators, yet we are too cowardly to hunt. Hunt or be hunted. Do you really want to breed with someone who can’t hunt and survive in the wild without their phone? Imagine your children? Let’s just start calling the i-Babies! (thank you Karl, my lone office mate for that one)
“I haven’t been meeting anyone organically” texted a Facebook employee
who’s a 29 year-old female, blond, thin, mega educated, from too good of a family, and a really awesome tech chick by day slash underground music scene babe by night. How ironic that at a company that was meant to bring people together and in the midst of Silicon Valley, no one is naturally approaching this single available woman. What do you think her number is? How many guys have swiped left on her?
Swiping is a numbers game, it’s a lottery. By now, we all know someone that’s gotten engaged from meeting someone on an app, but how many dates did it take for them to get there and what type of person are they? Yes, timing is everything and dating apps are awesome. Los Angeles is the hardest city in the world to date in. Unlike New York, San Francisco, London, and everywhere else, Angelinos live in their bubbles. Their cars are bubbles, their sides of town are bubbles, and their surface level state-of-mind is in a bubble. So unless the wind picks up and your bubble floats away, a dating app is ideal to meet people outside of it. Dating apps allow you to meet someone you may have never met otherwise, but every time you swipe and after every date you go on, don’t you feel unsatisfied?
No hopeless romantic country song serenades about finding love on an app. Has there ever been a successful romantic comedy movie about app daters? Boy meets girl on an app and lived happily ever after? What makes a good love story? THE MEET CUTE MOMENT! Harry Meets Sally! My Best Friend’s Wedding! How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days! Diary of Bridget Jones! Fucking Clueless! Pretty Woman! What do all these movies have in common? Besides the woman fighting to be totally independent-don’t-need-no-man, it’s big big act of BRAVERY! Usually it’s the woman being brave. She hopes and hopes for a man to whisk her away, but he doesn’t, so she finds a way to whisk him away.
Wouldn’t you rather meet someone by the guidelines you want to live your life by? Just about 90 percent of all dating profiles include the trigger words “Family. Friends. Being outside. Adventure. Travel. Trying new things. Working out.” Yet no one is actually being adventurous in dating. No dating profile says, “Sitting behind a computer. Staring at your phone. Not meeting people. Not moving.”
“If you’re not on dating apps, you’re not out there dating. You have to be fully available,”
said a non-single girl who met her boyfriend in a bar that she probably would have swiped left to by his profession alone.
This is true. Today, if you’re not on apps, you’re not dating, but dating apps have only existed for 5 years. So what’s 200,000 years minus 5 years? Oh shit people have been meeting through the face-to-face approach method for the PAST 199,995 YEARS! We’ve done it before and we can do it again.
Make dating great again.
The question is, was dating ever that great? Swiping is so popular because it solves a problem, meeting people. But it’s making us lazy to meet people any other way.
The Last Generation asked 20 women and 20 LTG men:
Have you used dating apps?
20/20 woman texted YES
18/20 men texted YES
Are dating apps your ideal preference to meet someone to date?
20/20 woman texted NO
20/20 men texted NO
Have you approached anyone naturally and asked them out since you started app dating?
18/20 woman texted NO
19/20 men texted NO
If app dating isn’t your ideal and it’s just not working for you and you feel icky having strangers look at your photos, then stop being a little bitch and get off your phone and ‘be brave.’
How pussy is it that it’s considered brave to just say “hello” to someone?
Bravery should be when you tell your friend to “shut the fuck up” after they say something repulsive and you’re still able to be friends with them after (plus saving lives and ending wars and shit). The Last Generation dares you to say “hello” to as many people you swipe right to and see where that takes you. You might learn something new about yourself, you might make someone’s day, you might get the worst rejection ever, you might get laid, or you might not get anything at all, but you’d be getting a lot more than a picture that looks nothing like someone and say’s nothing at all really.
‘They’ used to say “a picture is worth a thousand words.” But what is one word worth? “Hello.” What is the exchange of two people passing by and making a momentary connection worth? There really are no words for that.
Intuition is everything. Hunt and know when to make the move. Sharks sense fear through electrical impulses and temperature change. Woke humans should sense energy and hormones let off in an instant. Randomly approaching someone to say, “Hey, you’re hot, give me your number” without any signal from them could send their necks straight down to their phone, but if you are remotely intuitive, don’t be a dumbass.
I’m a different breed. The person I’m seeking is probably not on an app, and I wouldn’t want them to be. With my social media bi-polar disorder, I have been deemed Tinderella. Swiping is a battle. I believe you are what you do, and when I swipe, I’m overlooking great people by judging pixels. But I’m ready, I am open and when time aligns, I’d love to meet someone. I’m intimate with my friendships and self and if I’ve learned anything at all since I woke up, it’s love is everything. I have so much to give.
I’ve deleted my dating apps more times then I can count. “Why doesn’t anyone approach me?” I complain. On dating apps, I can go out on a new date every night of the week and I have! Unconsciously, I once went on 30 dates in 40 days, and I remember nothing. No one approaches anyone in LA, but I do and with every approach I feel alive, like I’m rewiring myself and energy I let off. I used to make eye contact with someone at a grocery story and then look away, now I keep my head up and smile and am often said “hello” to now.
We’ve all had “that moment” lost. That moment where you unspokenly connect with someone and then it’s gone and for a few minutes after you feel “dam, why can’t I meet someone like that.” Well you can.
Yesterday I was at my daily-frequented Trader Joe’s in Santa Monica on Pico near Bundy, there was this tall bear like man with huge hair and a magnetic force and a couple friends. We walked past each other a few times and ended up at different checkout lines, but at the same time. He looked at me, and naturally I looked away, but felt him staring, so I looked up, smiled and said hi, then again looked away. I bought my almond milk and eggs and slowly walked to my car hoping “Hey, maybe someday someone will naturally approach me.” Like 100% of these moments lost, it was just another moment lost. I backed up my car and drove off as he and his friends walked out of the store. I pulled out onto Pico Boulevard and thought, “Why did we both waste each other’s time? What was all that energy and effort of body language saying we are noticing each other for?” Because I’m into getting high off situations people wouldn’t ‘normally’ do, I circled around and pulled back into the crazy congested parking lot of Trader Joe’s and saw his giant head of hair already in a car and his friend about to get in the car. I pulled up behind their car blocking them in and eye his friend.
“Yeah we’re leaving.” he brushed.
I almost chickened out and drove off, but them fuck it.
“No, I don’t care about your space. Is your friend, the one in the passenger seat single?”
“He is, you want his number?”
“Tell him to get out of the car!”
Bear man walks out of the car and was so cool. “Hey, what’s going on?”
“Hey, are you single?”
“Well I’m over dating apps, can I get your number?”
He had his phone in his hand, but he said hold on and comes back with a tiny shitty receipt piece of paper and a dull pencil. Pencils still exist? Instead he takes my number and writes it down old school. He tells me that I have a really inviting smile, we should hang out today, and that he’ll text me.
I’m pumped, but as the hours passed with no text, I started to hate on pencils. I texted my friend “He’s a dumbass if he wrote my number down wrong.” Then more hours pass and I’m like, “He’s dumbass.” Finally when I let it go, maybe 5 hours later (because kids these days don’t have patience), he texted me.
His name is Charlie and I know nothing about him other than we shop at the same grocery store and we had a connection. We’ve been texting and he asked for my Instagram handle. My first thought was “I’d rather not, we didn’t meet on an app, I’m real.” but this is what’s been made normal today. If you don’t have a social media presence, you might as well as not exist, but for me, I’m leaving it to mystery. I don’t want to look at his photos and assume. The adventure is everything. He may open his mouth and I may know right away we aren’t compatible, but
how awesome is it to just meet someone in the world while I was out in the world?
Because I’m so in-tune with generational shit, I already assume he’s younger than me, but is that so bad? I can tell from his texts, firstly asking for my IG and secondly inviting me over to his house instead of going out on a date. He didn’t invite me over to hook up, it was to just chill, but men in their 30’s know this just doesn’t fly for quality gals, guys in their early 20’s do this.
The great thing about being a woman in your late twenties is you’ve experienced all the bullshit with men and hopefully you know more about who you are and what you want. My early 20-year-old self would have been already jumping up and down, but not-so-much for my late-20-self. Already, this Charlie Bear Man hasn’t shown initiative to meet up. He’s been texting me about spooning and whatever, and well if I wanted to text someone all day then there’s an app for that. I put myself out there and I’m not wasting time getting to know someone on my phone.
Before The Facebook and Linkedin, people would have never been able to google someone’s age or set an age criteria. You couldn’t judge someone on what college they went to or what their friends looked like. You could be whomever you wanted to be, and that’s what I want, to be and to meet someone who wants to be whoever they want to be.
Be what you dream.
Don’t date unconsciously.
*NOTE: I’ve belonged to a one person campaign called #ApproachLA for the past year and a half and I’d love for you to join da club. Ping me. Strut.